Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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