Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
