Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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