yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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