Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
