i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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