I'm jealous of your bromance
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
