im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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