sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
