he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
