I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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