mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
