So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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