i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
