guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
nutella sex= disaster
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
