last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
