I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
