I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
They have beer where we have blood.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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