I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
