well I can't set my house on fire every night
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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