Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
