I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
