morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
