Your dad touched me again.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
