Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
