So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
