Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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