I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
