her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
