it was like fucking gandolphs beard
The beer is more important than you right now.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
