put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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