Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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