I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
