Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize