Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
