In the future we'll all be gay
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You're a waste of cheezeits
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize