I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You're like the curious george of whores
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
