Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
