mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
