My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
and you fell through a lawn chair
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
