I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
