just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
