i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
