I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
