If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
