I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Dick very happy bro
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
