Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Naked Twister starts at high noon
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
