In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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