Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Randomize
