FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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