it wasn't lemon gatorade
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
