So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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