Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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