im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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