I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
