is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
