my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Houston, we have a blender
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
