Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
