dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
