Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
