I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
