things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Small penises have feelings too.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
