Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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