Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm sobbing to NWA
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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