I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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