good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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