Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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