have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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