That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
