I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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