i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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