the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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