Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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