Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
