my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
